Three Rules for the New Kid
Last night was the orientation for new middle school children in town.
My son Wil is entering the 6th grade...
... and he is a rule follower.
He was told that the night was for kids and that parents were not supposed to be part of the evening. It was for the kids. Therefore, I was not allowed to escort him into the building and get him settled (Wil is very black and white about "the rules").
I was OK with this conceptually, but in practice I found this far more difficult. As I dropped him off by the gym doors and sent him off alone down the long sidewalk to the front of the building, I saw lots of kids with parents walking to the big island traffic circle in front of the school where kids seemed to be gathering in order to get sorted out into teams.
I watched him walk away and immediately felt some pangs of guilt. I texted him five minutes later saying, "Is everything OK? I felt weird just leaving you." No response. He didn't need to. He was fine. He had this. (And they told everyone to put their phones away - so, of course, he did.)
I had a mix of fear and pride for the rest of the 2 hours before he was picked up. Pride because I knew that despite it being a completely new place for him, where he didn't know any of the adults and most of the kids he would navigate it well. He is, without a doubt, the most mature, smart, well put together young man I have ever seen. He is the living embodiment of the three rules that I have constantly imparted on both of my children since they were old enough to understand what I was saying to them.
My three rules, as I have explained, will absolutely make you successful in anything that you want to accomplish. They will draw people to you, as friends, as mentors and as coaches. You will be a leader without asking to be. You will be respected and supported by others without demanding it.
However, you must follow all three consistently for this to happen.
They are a tripod. If you fail on one, the whole promise will collapse.
Rule 1: Be a good boy/girl.
Rule 2: Be a nice boy/girl
Rule 3: Always do your best
You can be a good person, but not necessarily be nice (the person who never breaks rules or laws, but has no empathy, kindness or desire to help others).
You can be a nice person, but not necessarily be good (the jovial, popular account clerk who has been quietly embezzling funds for years)
And always do your best means always.
Not just in games, but in practice.
Not just on tests, but on homework. Not just in things you enjoy, but in chores.
Not just when things are easy and going well, but when they are hard, confusing or frustrating.
And here's the most interesting part of it all... I am starting at a new school too.
Just like Wil.
And I am beginning to see all of the parallels...
After six very successful and happy years as the Assistant Principal at East Greenwich High School, when the opportunity arose, I made the decision to move to the high school in the town where I have lived for the last 21 years. The town where my kids were born and raised (and are being educated). It was a very difficult and emotion filled choice for me, but I believe it was the right one. Only time will tell.
So, as my son and I talked about his concerns last night, and as we both enter our respective new schools, it occurred to me that we have many of the same fears and concerns:
How and where will I fit in?
Will I ever find my way around this huge building?
Will I be as successful as I have been in the other schools where I have been before?
Will my acquired skills and knowledge to this point successfully translate here?
Who will I eat lunch with?
What's going to be expected of me?
Will my teachers like me and treat me fairly?
How am I going to learn all of these new people's names?
Who do I talk to when things go wrong?
Will I be supported and cared about?
I don't know the answers to any of those questions.
But what I do know is that I am going to try my best every day to emulate Wil as best as I can.
Coventry High School teachers, I promise that I will try to always follow the three rules every day.
- I will do my best to always be a good person, to be a nice person and I will always do my best to support you and to help you do your best every day.
- I will make sure that you feel known and recognized for the work that you do.
- I will always be transparent and honest with you, even when it's difficult.
- I will always do my best to communicate clearly and effectively with you.
- I will not make any promises that I can not keep.
- I will appreciate you, your work and your effort
- I will give you specific feedback about why I appreciate you as often as I can.
- If I don't know the answer, I will tell you. And then I will find the answer for/with you.
- You can always talk to me when things go wrong. I will help you fix it.
- I will celebrate your successes and your attempts to innovate.
- I will also support you when things don't go the way you planned.
- I will care about you as a person, not just as an employee.
If I have learned anything in my 17 years as an administrator, it's that ultimately, relationships are what matter most. I have always believed that the five minutes you spend with a student before or after class talking about something important to them will be remembered long after the hour you spent with them diagramming a sentence or going over polynomials is long forgotten.
It's the very same thing for teachers.
Talk to me. Share your successes and your failures.
Let me know what concerns or frustrations you have at school or what's affecting you outside of school and let's see how I can help.
The reality is that if people don't know or understand that you care about them, that they can trust you, that they are safe taking risks in the classroom, and that failing is an important part of learning and that it's OK, then none of the other stuff matters.
It's the very same thing for students.
It's my job to focus on connections, caring, and kindness and incorporate that into the school culture as often as I can. At the same time, I will be working with you to create engaging lessons, to find opportunities to continuously formatively assess our classrooms- while you do the same thing for your students- to support teaching and learning, to check for understanding and to use that information to drive instruction while we provide regular feedback to our students and our teachers on their progress towards our shared goals and expectations.
You really do matter in the lives of kids.
You really do matter to me.
Isn't that ultimately what it's all about?
Let's get to work. Together.
My son Wil is entering the 6th grade...
... and he is a rule follower.
He was told that the night was for kids and that parents were not supposed to be part of the evening. It was for the kids. Therefore, I was not allowed to escort him into the building and get him settled (Wil is very black and white about "the rules").
I was OK with this conceptually, but in practice I found this far more difficult. As I dropped him off by the gym doors and sent him off alone down the long sidewalk to the front of the building, I saw lots of kids with parents walking to the big island traffic circle in front of the school where kids seemed to be gathering in order to get sorted out into teams.
I watched him walk away and immediately felt some pangs of guilt. I texted him five minutes later saying, "Is everything OK? I felt weird just leaving you." No response. He didn't need to. He was fine. He had this. (And they told everyone to put their phones away - so, of course, he did.)
I had a mix of fear and pride for the rest of the 2 hours before he was picked up. Pride because I knew that despite it being a completely new place for him, where he didn't know any of the adults and most of the kids he would navigate it well. He is, without a doubt, the most mature, smart, well put together young man I have ever seen. He is the living embodiment of the three rules that I have constantly imparted on both of my children since they were old enough to understand what I was saying to them.
My three rules, as I have explained, will absolutely make you successful in anything that you want to accomplish. They will draw people to you, as friends, as mentors and as coaches. You will be a leader without asking to be. You will be respected and supported by others without demanding it.
However, you must follow all three consistently for this to happen.
They are a tripod. If you fail on one, the whole promise will collapse.
Rule 1: Be a good boy/girl.
Rule 2: Be a nice boy/girl
Rule 3: Always do your best
You can be a good person, but not necessarily be nice (the person who never breaks rules or laws, but has no empathy, kindness or desire to help others).
You can be a nice person, but not necessarily be good (the jovial, popular account clerk who has been quietly embezzling funds for years)
And always do your best means always.
Not just in games, but in practice.
Not just on tests, but on homework. Not just in things you enjoy, but in chores.
Not just when things are easy and going well, but when they are hard, confusing or frustrating.
And here's the most interesting part of it all... I am starting at a new school too.
Just like Wil.
And I am beginning to see all of the parallels...
After six very successful and happy years as the Assistant Principal at East Greenwich High School, when the opportunity arose, I made the decision to move to the high school in the town where I have lived for the last 21 years. The town where my kids were born and raised (and are being educated). It was a very difficult and emotion filled choice for me, but I believe it was the right one. Only time will tell.
So, as my son and I talked about his concerns last night, and as we both enter our respective new schools, it occurred to me that we have many of the same fears and concerns:
How and where will I fit in?
Will I ever find my way around this huge building?
Will I be as successful as I have been in the other schools where I have been before?
Will my acquired skills and knowledge to this point successfully translate here?
Who will I eat lunch with?
What's going to be expected of me?
Will my teachers like me and treat me fairly?
How am I going to learn all of these new people's names?
Who do I talk to when things go wrong?
Will I be supported and cared about?
I don't know the answers to any of those questions.
But what I do know is that I am going to try my best every day to emulate Wil as best as I can.
Coventry High School teachers, I promise that I will try to always follow the three rules every day.
- I will do my best to always be a good person, to be a nice person and I will always do my best to support you and to help you do your best every day.
- I will make sure that you feel known and recognized for the work that you do.
- I will always be transparent and honest with you, even when it's difficult.
- I will always do my best to communicate clearly and effectively with you.
- I will not make any promises that I can not keep.
- I will appreciate you, your work and your effort
- I will give you specific feedback about why I appreciate you as often as I can.
- If I don't know the answer, I will tell you. And then I will find the answer for/with you.
- You can always talk to me when things go wrong. I will help you fix it.
- I will celebrate your successes and your attempts to innovate.
- I will also support you when things don't go the way you planned.
- I will care about you as a person, not just as an employee.
If I have learned anything in my 17 years as an administrator, it's that ultimately, relationships are what matter most. I have always believed that the five minutes you spend with a student before or after class talking about something important to them will be remembered long after the hour you spent with them diagramming a sentence or going over polynomials is long forgotten.
It's the very same thing for teachers.
Talk to me. Share your successes and your failures.
Let me know what concerns or frustrations you have at school or what's affecting you outside of school and let's see how I can help.
The reality is that if people don't know or understand that you care about them, that they can trust you, that they are safe taking risks in the classroom, and that failing is an important part of learning and that it's OK, then none of the other stuff matters.
It's the very same thing for students.
It's my job to focus on connections, caring, and kindness and incorporate that into the school culture as often as I can. At the same time, I will be working with you to create engaging lessons, to find opportunities to continuously formatively assess our classrooms- while you do the same thing for your students- to support teaching and learning, to check for understanding and to use that information to drive instruction while we provide regular feedback to our students and our teachers on their progress towards our shared goals and expectations.
You really do matter in the lives of kids.
You really do matter to me.
Isn't that ultimately what it's all about?
Let's get to work. Together.
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