A New Kind of Disciplined Thinking

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. - Jim Rohn

I have been an assistant principal for almost 18 years now.  In that time, whenever I meet new people and discussion makes it's way to what I do for a living, the next part of the conversation invariably comes around to one of the following things:

• "Oh, I hope my kid never gets to know you very well."
• "I could never do that job, "those" kids would drive me crazy.
• "Don't you get tired of just dealing with problems all the time?
• "Kids these days... they are so much worse than when we were kids...

So, what's my job all about?

Crime and Punishment?
Detentions, Suspensions, Expulsions?
Ensuring compliance and order?

I have always felt that creating meaningful relationships with students is the most effective discipline strategy that we can use to decrease behaviors that endanger the safety of our schools and the educational process in our classrooms. Students who feel connected and safe in schools are far less likely to cause harm there - and statistically, they perform better in class as well.

In my experience, those students who are constantly in a detention/suspension spiral are more often looking for attention and acceptance than they are anarchy.  After all, whether it's positive attention or the bad kind... it's affirmation that they are being seen, it's a chance for someone to hear them, a chance to let someone know what's going on in their life- if they trust you enough to let you in.  

In my experience, students are far more likely to care deeply about disappointing someone who they care about than they are to worry about a detention or suspension.  

If you, as the assistant principal or disciplinarian, can become someone who those students care about, someone who knows who they are inside and outside of those walls, how much more effective can you be?  And how much more time can you spend working with your teachers to improve teaching and learning for everyone, rather than further reducing opportunities for a percentage of your most challenged students to learn by excluding them from the process for bad behaviors?

How are the top 20 most referred students for discipline doing academically in your school? 

And how effective have those detentions, suspensions, etc been in terms of changing their dangerous or disruptive behaviors? 

When you think more deeply about it, do you think that suspending those students from academic participation is more or less likely to ultimately help them succeed in school? Do you honestly believe that less education will curb future bad behaviors? 

How has that been working out for you (and them) so far?

Is it more likely that falling further behind academically will create a greater feeling of disenfranchisement, hopelessness and a defeated attitude in that student or that they will become empowered and self motivated by finding themselves ever deeper in an academic hole? 

So why are we relying on those kinds of punishments to change those behaviors?


What if we shifted that notion of what school discipline is to a different definition of discipline?  The kind of discipline that we all react well to when it's used.  The kind of discipline that elicits our respect when we speak of it, rather than fear and derision. 

If I were to ask you to define "discipline" in the context of schools, what would come to mind? How about this definition: Discipline: Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement. 

Rather than being a draconian figure who metes out discipline from a manual, what if your understanding of what was going on in that student's life informed your interpretation of what that behavior was trying to tell you about that student? 

More often than not, those awful behaviors are a reflection of the chaos in a student's life. 

They don't have an adult that they trust to talk about it. They don't feel empowered to change their circumstances. They are scared. They are hurt. That's why they lash out.  That's why they "don't care" what happens to them when you offer the traditional discipline options. Because they really do care.  

More specifically, they want you to care. They need you to listen, not to talk. 

But most of all, they need to be in school. Schools, unlike the rest of their world, often have structure and are full of people who have the opportunity every day to care about them. These students need hope and understanding. They need opportunity, not punishment. As Nelson Mandela said, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” It can change their world, but only if they can access it.

What if instead of simply excluding students from their education for bad behaviors, you found opportunities for that student to not only explain why they broke that rule or violated that trust, but gave them (and their parents) an opportunity to hear how their actions affected others?  What if, instead of excluding them from academic participation, you gave them an opportunity to make amends and repair the relationship(s) that was damaged by their actions? 

You might provide them with an opportunity to learn not only Shakespeare and Algebra II, but empathy, communication skills and the importance of backing up words with actions. You can learn a lot of things in schools, and not all of it is covered in the Common Core.

In a podcast from 2014, I discussed the philosophical constructs of how I have addressed discipline issues over the course of my career. The approach of simply following the prescribed punishments in the book for student transgressions seems not only old fashioned, but statistically and rationally speaking, also highly ineffective.

Over the last four years of my career, in cases where a discipline infraction occurred and a relationship with another party has been harmed (theft, assault, disorderly conduct in a classroom), where historically an immediate suspension would result, I have instead utilized a process to attempt to not only change that behavior, but repair the relationship.

In lieu of a suspension, parents are immediately contacted and the following occurs.

• The student and their parents are required to come to a meeting with an administrator and any other members of the school community that were affected by that student's actions.

• The administrator reviews the facts of the event, so that everyone is clear. Anyone may then add to or clarify the facts of the situation so that everyone is in agreement about what occurred.

• All parties who were affected by the student's transgression are asked to speak plainly, unfiltered, and honestly about how they felt at the time and how those actions affected and/or continue to affect them.

• The parents of the student who committed the infraction are then allowed an opportunity to discuss how they feel about everything they have seen and heard to that point.

• The student is then allowed an opportunity to discuss what they did and to apologize or speak about why they did what they did and/or to offer clarification of their side of the story.

• Finally, an opportunity to make amends is discussed by all parties to come up with a strategy, an action or a method of repairing the relationship, one that can be followed through on immediately.

After using this strategy for years, I know that it can be an emotional experience for all involved.  It is powerful, and the effects are lasting and effective. I can not say that for the traditional detention/suspension parade that we (and likely you) primarily used over the prior 40-50 years. 

This process decreased student suspensions at East Greenwich High School by 63%, with totals significantly below all Rhode Island high schools with similar demographics. On average, we had, 1.4 suspensions per 100 students (state average = 32.2) each year.

The simple response might be, "well, you were not suspending kids, so of course the numbers went down." The reality is that as the culture changed around how serious discipline situations were handled, the occurrences requiring restorative justice or suspensions greatly decreased. We didn't have to handle them anymore.

Another criticism might be, "well, you're taking the easy way out, they don't really get disciplined that way." As I said, the incidents decreased significantly. The students were literally becoming more disciplined and developing empathy, trust in adults and problem solving skills. Additionally, if you think that organizing and running meetings with students, parents and teachers discussing their feelings and personal situations vs simply sending kids home for five days is the easy way out... you may want to re-think that statement...

In a previous blog post I addressed the importance of relationships in education. As I said to pre-service teachers in that post: The reality is that if you can't convince kids that you care about them, that they can trust you, that they are safe taking risks in your classroom, and that failing is an important (and necessary) part of learning- and that it's OK, then none of that other stuff (content) matters. 

A school culture built on a foundation of student engagement, kindness, and appreciation leads to significant decreases in behaviors that inhibit teaching and learning. In fact, it eliminates many of them. I know this firsthand and I have the data to support it.

School communities, like all communities are about relationships. When those relationships are damaged, we can work to repair them, we can teach empathy and understanding, or we can shun and exclude people from the community to everyone's detriment.

If we really are committed to our students meeting with success in academics and in life, sometimes what needs most to be suspended are traditional approaches to solving problems - especially when we already know that they don't work.