Let's Do Lunch... Differently

About 8 percent of U.S. teens suffer from some type of diagnosed anxiety disorder, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. And anxiety has been on the rise among children and young adults since at least the 1950s. 

Increased amounts of stress and pressure to compete for better grades and college entrance, the effects of social media, and divorce are the most frequently cited triggers of student stress and anxiety when teachers, counselors, nurses and administrators are asked about this seeming epidemic of social/emotional dissonance among their students.

However, as an administrator for the last 18 years, if you asked me what the most frequent trigger I see I see for stress and anxiety is, I would tell you, "lunch." 

For many of our students, lunchtime is the only time where socializing with friends and organizing themselves into groups of their own choosing happens during the school day. It's also the time where they can communicate with one another without an adult in close proximity- therefore much more freely. Lunchtime has a great potential for social/emotional interactions and opportunities for new friendships to be developed.

But many students would also tell you this: 

"You're at a cafeteria, you've got your lunch ... and then you just don't know where to sit. You don't want to sit alone, but you also don't know who would be friendly and let you sit with them."

"When you walk into the lunchroom and you see all the tables of everyone sitting there and you know that going up to them would only end in rejection, you feel extremely alone and extremely isolated, and your stomach drops. And you are searching for a place to eat, but you know that if you sit by yourself, there'll be so much embarrassment that comes with it because people will know and they'll see you as the girl who has nowhere to sit. So there's so many awful feelings that come along with it."

Those are the words of Natalie Hampton, the creator of the Sit With Us app, which is designed to help students who have difficulty finding a place to sit locate a welcoming group of fellow students in the lunchroom. Through the app, friendly students designate themselves as “ambassadors,” and invite others to join them at lunch time.

What if your school doesn't allow smartphones? First, I would ask you why... because there are many legitimate and useful reasons for kids to have and use them in school.... but I digress...

I have been thinking about the best ways that we can help our students feel less anxious and stressed out by lunchtime, while also creating a kinder school culture that supports and models a positive social/emotional environment for our kids.

During our opening assemblies with each class, we are showing two videos... the first one is very straightforward... and wonderful...

It features, "We Dine Together,"  a completely student-led movement that features student leaders who make it a priority to create a positive social atmosphere on their campuses. In the video, students spend lunch times reaching out to students who are eating alone, with a goal of making new friends.

Of course, this is a wonderful idea.  It is also a difficult one for many students to act on regularly in everyday situations. High school students typically organize themselves into what amounts to a fixed social status hierarchy almost immediately upon entering schools.  

At the highest social risk are “rejected kids.” There are two types: rejected-submissive kids who become sad and withdrawn to avoid attracting attention and rejected-aggressive kids who can become emotionally explosive if teased excessively. “These kids are not necessarily violent kids, but they are the kids who frequently lose control in school, act up excessively, and wind up in the principal’s office,” says Michael Thompson, Ph.D.

So, at the crux of the issue for us, is how do we get our students who are popular, kind, accommodating and willing to reach out to others who are isolated, sad, anxious, depressed or alone at lunch to feel more connected?  We asked the experts for some modeling:

Do you remember when we were very young and could just walk up to another person our age and play together or talk? I have had conversations with both of my kids, who independently tell me with joy about the time they walked up to a total stranger at pre-school and kindergarten and said, (Lily) "You're pretty, do you want to be friends?" and "Hi, you seem nice, we should be best friends." (Wil) Those friends from kindergarten remain among their closest friends today.

While I understand that older children, teens and adults have built up social barriers that make those types of introductions more difficult, it really is as easy as starting the conversation with someone by asking something about what they are reading, listening to, doing or giving them a sincere compliment. Or perhaps just saying "hi."

Just letting someone know that they are interesting to you for some reason or that they matter to you can change someone's whole day for the better... and every act of kindness that people share with one another has a myriad of physical and mental health benefits for both the person who is giving and receiving the act of kindness.  

Kindness may be the only thing that multiplies when it is shared... and that's why we share these videos and ideas with our student body... because every student in our building has the potential to change someone's world while they are also developing social and emotional skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.

Finally, I saw a post on Twitter this morning about the "Cafeteria DJ" program at Dr. Brad Gustafson's school that provides kids an opportunity to select music that they want to listen to during lunch.  What a great idea to make the cafeteria a more interesting, fun and less stressful place for kids.  An additional benefit is adding the element of choice and student voice to the playlists, which is always something that we are interested at CHS.

We will continue to look at every available option to help all of our students feel happy, healthy and safe at school every day, and you will see new changes happening in our school and classrooms to support the social/emotional well-being and contentedness of our kids every day as well.

We began this year as a faculty in professional development that stressed a culture of Collaboration, Inspiration and Appreciation. We have turned over our professional development process to a Genius Hour format that we call "Oaker Hour, where teachers have an opportunity to regularly work on projects that follow their passions to improve their teaching, their classroom, the school or the community/world.

If we're going to start making our school a better, safer, happier and healthier social/emotional environment for teaching and learning to occur... let's do lunch ...differently.

What great ideas have you seen that you can share?  Leave a comment.