Good Tired and Bad Tired

Harry Chapin was a well known singer in the late 70s and early 80s, a prolific and spectacular songwriter/storyteller, and he had this to say about his grandfather. 

My grandfather was a painter. He died at age eighty-eight, he illustrated Robert Frost’s first two books of poetry, and he was looking at me and he said, “Harry, there’s two kinds of tired. There’s good tired and there’s bad tired.” He said, “Ironically enough, bad tired can be a day that you won. But you won other people’s battles; you lived other people’s days, other people’s agendas, other people’s dreams. And when it’s all over, there was very little you in there. And when you hit the hay at night, somehow you toss and turn; you don’t settle easy.

It’s that good tired, ironically enough, can be a day that you lost, but you don’t even have to tell yourself because you knew you fought your battles, you chased your dreams, you lived your days and when you hit the hay at night, you settle easy, you sleep the sleep of the just and you say ‘take me away’”. He said, “Harry, all my life I wanted to be a painter and I painted; God, I would have loved to have been more successful, but I painted and I painted and I’m good tired and they can take me away.”

I spent the first three and a half weeks feeling good tired. I spent at least one hour in classrooms every single day. I schedule it ahead of time the week before.  I use that time exclusively to visit classrooms.  To participate in the teaching as well as the learning.  To show our teachers that I am interested and invested in their work. I give teachers feedback every time- immediately. I let them know how much I appreciate their thinking and their work.  I have great conversations about pedagogy, tech, grading, classroom management and other things that are important to our teachers as well- I often challenge their thinking, collegially using those opportunities to ensure that we both (and all) continue to teach and learn and grow together - teachers as well as students. I love it when I learn something from someone (and I typically do- every day) as well.

I build relationships.  I grow relationships. I spend lots of time talking and helping and providing new things for teachers and kids to read and watch and consider and think about - and then I follow through with those discussions... and while I am always busy... it's always great busy.  And I am always great tired.

Then came this week...

I lose two hours a day to lunch duty.  That's fine.  It gives me a lot of opportunities to see all of our kids and build those relationships as well. It's not classroom time, it's not (usually) teaching and learning, but it is time to talk, to model behaviors, to support kids, answer questions and sometimes problem solve with the other administrators, because we are all there. I can make use of that time.

The remaining hours were all completely absorbed by administrative meetings and trainings of various sorts, and/or putting out the enormous number of fires that consistently walked (often literally) through my door. And seemingly, despite almost 19 years of doing this job, I never really felt as though I was solving any of them to anyone's satisfaction.  Even when I thought I had some resolutions, I felt as though I won other people’s battles; lived other people’s days, other people’s agendas. And when it’s all over, there was very little me in there. 

Maybe that's what an administrator is. I have always felt that my job description is "fix it," regardless of what it is. Whether it's a leaky roof, a student who needs assistance to learn, a relationship that needs repairing, a curriculum issue, a teacher who needs assistance or any other concern that can happen in a building with 1600 students (and their corresponding parents), 200+ staff and only one me.

All I know is that I have blocked out my classroom time for next week, and it will not be infringed upon. The work of building and expanding relationships, working to support great teaching and learning is our business.  I have to make that time and make it work.  And I will.

I don't mind being tired at the end of every day.  I just want to be good tired.  

How about you?